Stories

I can't do it.
I can't just post a ranting post and disappear.
I was so pissed off I didn't even twitter about it. It is a blemish.

So here's my real post for today.

I noticed my writing has gotten somewhat more elaborate. Being a nervous little creature, this made me wonder: do I sound cocky?
Because I used to.

I re-read my old diary from when I was 15/16.
I was young, and kind of unhappy (miserable), and thought a lot of myself. As a very wise man once put it: "I am not young enough to know everything." Well, at that point, I was convinced I knew a whole lot. I was a melodramatic whino, really.

Meet 16-ish-year-old Sado, not yet using that name (which, by the way, is an inside joke and doesn't mean I'm into hardcore BDSM), all goffik and "intellectual".
I could show you a picture... but I won't.

I'm torn between laughing and crying when I re-read those pretentious, long drawn sentences. I re-read them occasionally, a page at a time because that's all I have the balls for.

My point here (yes, I have one! Don't look at me like that!) is that sometimes - actually, more often than not - we look back on our smug old selves and are embarrassed. I still haven't written any poetry since that time.
(I was told it was good.
E, The Cousin and I were in constant disagreement over whose was better.)

That feeling of embarrassment for the smug sentences of my 16-year-old self make me wonder: will I be embarrassed likewise, when as a 25- or a 30-year-old I look back on my writing of today? I think I will. Is that a bad thing? I'm not sure. I mean, it does indicate growth, doesn't it? Even if just a little. Nevertheless, it's not a fun feeling, mostly because suddenly, you're convinced that at the time, everybody was laughing at you behind your back.
Which triggers the paranoid idea that people are laughing at you behind your back now, when you think you're not so ridiculous anymore.

Or is that just me?

I should just let go.
This blog is one of the first things I've written in about 3 years. No more poetry (even though I can assure you it was all teenage angst), no more stories, no more novels.
I think about writing sometimes, but I'm not sure I have a good story to tell.
The only story I do have is my own, and I'm not always sure how to look upon it. Furthermore, will people want to hear it? Will they want to take time to read about it?

Vanilla Tea was made as a try-out, to see if I still got it. The magical, metaphorical it. And more to the point, if I did, whether or not I could keep up with it.

I think my 30-something-th post proves that I'm alright for continuance. It's a habit now, which is good.
Can I deal with a story? Do I tell my own, and if so, how and in what light? Do I tell someone else's? Isn't that stealing?
I read a lot, but can I write?

And more importantly: If I write something, will I be ashamed of it later on?

Just asking questions is all.

Sweet dreams, loves.

Words, words, words

Last weekend, when we were at the movie rental place, The Boy and I noticed a show that Dear Maria had recommended, as being sort of "related" to Pushing Daisies. I speak, indeed, of Dead Like Me, which is about grim reapers. The deaths are funny. Otherwise, pretty tragic show.

Yes, we can see the difference here.

So I bought them. Yes, I am very hedonistic, thanks!

Anyway, in the first episode, female lead George (awesome name for a girl, by the bye, I want a male-sounding nickname now) introduces her family. Her mother Joy is described, among other things, as hating the word "moist" because she thinks it's pornographic.

She does look like someone who hates the word "moist".

That got me thinking about words.

You know how some words sound exactly like what they mean? Like "stern" and "rigorous" and "moist". I like "moist" now. I like those words in general.

I hate the word "umbrella". It doesn't make any sense to me. In Dutch, it's paraplu, from the French parapluie, which means "against rain". Makes sense, doesn't it? Well, "umbrella" doesn't. So I hate the word.

I like words with "graphic". I think they sound nice. Even "pornographic" sounds nice.
I like "initial". It sounds better than first.

I have the tendency to overuse words. To counteract this (I like counteract!) I tried overusing big words. You know, the kind that you don't normally use in an ordinary (woop!) conversation.

Is that counter-intuitive?

Before I regress into a child-like state (who am I kidding anyway?) - what are your favourite words?

Goodnight, and sweet dreams.