07 April 2009

Twilight: To Read Or Not To Read?

Dear reader,

I planned on showing you my bookcase and making a huge post about all my favourite books and authors today.
Unfortunately, my camera has decided to give up on me. I figured the batteries were dead and replaced them, but it still doesn't work.
Rain check?

Instead, I just decided, I am going to make a huge post, but it'll be about a series of books I have never read.

It's hard to be witty about them, since several bloggers and site (including Occupation: Girl) have already made reviews, chapter by chapter lulz alerts, and counts of how many times the word "chagrin" is used.
Ring a bell?

I am, indeed, talking about Twilight.

Now, you may not think it fair of me to discuss a book, or a series of books, which I have not (yet? think again) read, but in my defence I have the following to say.

About three or four weeks ago, I was relatively bored, and did what I typically do in those situations: go to Cracked.com, read a random article, and follow links to much "LULZ".
I arrived at a pdf-file called "Midnight Sun" of some hundred pages. I read about fifteen and laughed my ass off.
It was about the first Twilight book, the general (lack of) plot I was aware of through various interwebz comments, and apparently viewed the entire book from the point of view from Sparkly Faggot Edward Cullen, the miraculously dazzling vampire teen.

I swear to you that I was absolutely convinced that this was a fanfic, written by your average 13-year-old fangirl, who obviously needed to spend a little more time studying for her English class, and rather less reading crappy "novels".

Hilarity ensued a week later, when I found out that Midnight Sun was, in fact, the new project by Twilight "author" Stephenie Meyer. (for more hilarity: visit her website and read the post announcing how she cannot possibly continue a project of which a draft has leaked - then imagine musicians and filmmakers, or indeed any serious author having the same reaction)

In short, if you write like a 13-year-old, then everybody may righteously make fun of you. End of story.

The thing is, having read so many wonderful and funny blogs about the subject (in all cases denouncing the book, and, typically, the author) I actually feel like reading it.
Only I'm afraid some of my brain cells will spontaniously commit suicide. And we don't want that, do we?

Having read Occupation: Girl's chapter by chapter reviews, I can't help but feel like it would be nice to read them sometime, not out of any form of literary interest, but because the benefits for your health by laughing are well documented, and "I dearly love a laugh".

I cannot possibly persuade myself to spend money on the series, though, and also would not wish to be seen by any of my acquintance, so you, dear reader, must help me by devising a cunning plan to get the book(s?) here unseen, and for free.

Let's go over our options:

1. Library.
No! Paper trail!
Yes! Free!
Yes! Can hide book in my bag so as not to be spotted by anyone I know.

2. Buy it anyway (crappy novels are notoriously cheap).
No! Money!
No! Cashier person will think am Twitard. Have carefully built reputation for buying good books only.
No! Will have copy around the house forever!
Yes! Might be cheap, and can read English version for maximum funny bone impact.

3. ???

In conclusion, dear reader, what is your opinion on this subject? Would you read them, endangering your precious brain? Would you not read them, thereby giving up the chance to laugh as you have never laughed before?

What would you do in my stead?

Help me conquer this dillema, and I promise you many interesting posts to come.


  1. Buy it on eBay. It'll probably be much cheaper than in stores, AND you won't have to face the merciless criticism of the Cashier of Doom.
    And to avoid evidence, you can just burn it later ;)

    Problem solved!

  2. God, I love you.
    Euhm, but... I don't euhm... work well with eBay.
    Could you maybe purchase it for me, and I'll give you the money? [blush]

  3. Bad books just annoy me, they never seem to amuse.
    But, to each his own...